A journey to healing

In April of 2021, my world as I knew it was knocked off its axis. A direct assault on my soul. I entered a battleground of grief and spiritual warfare that I have never before encountered. Every single day was emotionally exhausting. I was constantly spiritually depleted and emotionally bruised. 

I had hit a low point in my life that I have never been to before! 

My father who had been struggling with Alzheimer’s for years was transitioned into a memory care unit. It is difficult to watch someone you love that was once strong and independent become fragile and weak. Then add to the mix that your loved one doesn’t even remember your name. Alzheimer’s is a debilitating disease to the entire family. 

One week after this transition, my mother was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer. She went straight from caring for my father, being overwhelmed and exhausted with his care, to fighting for her own life. Only two rounds of chemotherapy and four months later, she passed away. It was fast and furious and not enough time to even process the grief. Cancer caused my mom so much pain and stole so much time away from us. 

One short week later, our family endured a horrific trauma. 

I felt…powerless, vulnerable in every possible way, overwhelmed with the gravity of the evil and injustices of this world, helpless, and an unsurmountable sense of loss.  As a parent, my role is a protector, so with this trauma…I felt like a failure. 

I found myself questioning myself in every capacity…

o How could I have let this happen? 

o I’m not a good parent. 

o I should have done more. 

These lies were constantly swirling in my mind despite me begging God to take my every thought captive. 

My soul was at war.

I found myself at a place that all I could do was pray. Angry prayers. Confusion. Bitterness. Prayers for healing and restoration. Prayers for protection. Desperate pleas.

But then there was silence... 

I didn’t hear from God. I begged and pleaded with him but still didn’t see His hand intervening. I found myself disconnecting and just wanting to be numb from the situation and wanting to fast-forward out of this season of life. I began asking the question we all go to when something happens we cannot readily explain away…..

Why?

What was I supposed to learn from this season of life?

I was really struggling to thrive.

When they say the enemy prowls and looks for someone to devour and destroy, it is absolutely true. I desperately pray for answers, healing, and transformed lives. While evil comes to steal, deceive, corrupt love, tear apart unity, and create chaos, I know God intends to use even evil for His good. 

I am clinging to this truth and trusting God to rebuild our lives with faith and truth, one step at a time.  

Sickness

This week, we have had the flu. 
It started with my husband.  Last Friday, he was in bed at 4pm and honestly, I am not sure he got out of bed all weekend.  Followed by Saturday, my son spiked a fever and then on Sunday my daughter was next...I knew it was going to be a long week!
 

Ironically enough, through fevers, cough, and lack of sleep,

I have really enjoyed the time just being with the kids.

It was nice to snuggle all day EVERY day this week and just take care of them.  However, despite the comfort of having the kids home more, I have been heavy in prayer all week for God's healing hand.  As a parent, you never enjoy seeing your child suffer, whether it is a simple cold or a serious illness. 

Today, as I watched the news reports and update on the Connecticut shooting, I was reminded of just how much sickness we have in the world. Saddened, a loss for words, tears streaming,

just a mom reminded of how fragile life can be...

 

Again, I am heavy in prayer for God's healing hand

for our world...full of sickness!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Ephesians 6:13

No words

I was talking to a friend last week that informed me of a mutual friend of ours which is now battling throat cancer. She told me about how most days she can not speak and on the days she can speak, it is only a whisper. We talked about how difficult that must be and the challenge of discipling the children with no voice. I made the comment this might be a good test of my discipline ability (in other words self control in not yelling to get the kids to listen).

I have prayed for our mutual friend throughout the past week, for her healing, patience, comfort, and strength.

God has heard my prayers, I woke up this morning with a very sore throat, raw to be exact, and
NO VOICE!

I woke up thinking, praying for my friend - knowing that my voice will come back but feeling at least for one day what she must struggle with EVERY day. As I packed the kids lunches, I noticed a kindness and understanding from my kids, I prayed she would feel this same feeling from her own children. On the way to school, we always pray, but since I couldn't, the children got a chance to lead and have their voice
heard instead of mine, I prayed my friend would also find comfort in her children's words. As the children got the wiggles in the car and I became frustrated with the inability to speak loudly (yell) at them, I prayed for my friend to be filled with patience that only the Lord could provide. Then I arrived at my bible study fellowship, after explaining several times why I could not speak, I prayed for my friend to be filled with encouragement and support. It was then time to start singing hymns. At this time I realized that even though my singing
voice is a whole lot less that desirable, it was part of my worship. I smiled and mouthed the words, praying for my friend to be filled with whole hearted worship that no words could ever speak as loud as she
could feel!

God is so good at all times.

If you ever want to know how someone feels, pray for them!