A journey to healing

In April of 2021, my world as I knew it was knocked off its axis. A direct assault on my soul. I entered a battleground of grief and spiritual warfare that I have never before encountered. Every single day was emotionally exhausting. I was constantly spiritually depleted and emotionally bruised. 

I had hit a low point in my life that I have never been to before! 

My father who had been struggling with Alzheimer’s for years was transitioned into a memory care unit. It is difficult to watch someone you love that was once strong and independent become fragile and weak. Then add to the mix that your loved one doesn’t even remember your name. Alzheimer’s is a debilitating disease to the entire family. 

One week after this transition, my mother was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer. She went straight from caring for my father, being overwhelmed and exhausted with his care, to fighting for her own life. Only two rounds of chemotherapy and four months later, she passed away. It was fast and furious and not enough time to even process the grief. Cancer caused my mom so much pain and stole so much time away from us. 

One short week later, our family endured a horrific trauma. 

I felt…powerless, vulnerable in every possible way, overwhelmed with the gravity of the evil and injustices of this world, helpless, and an unsurmountable sense of loss.  As a parent, my role is a protector, so with this trauma…I felt like a failure. 

I found myself questioning myself in every capacity…

o How could I have let this happen? 

o I’m not a good parent. 

o I should have done more. 

These lies were constantly swirling in my mind despite me begging God to take my every thought captive. 

My soul was at war.

I found myself at a place that all I could do was pray. Angry prayers. Confusion. Bitterness. Prayers for healing and restoration. Prayers for protection. Desperate pleas.

But then there was silence... 

I didn’t hear from God. I begged and pleaded with him but still didn’t see His hand intervening. I found myself disconnecting and just wanting to be numb from the situation and wanting to fast-forward out of this season of life. I began asking the question we all go to when something happens we cannot readily explain away…..

Why?

What was I supposed to learn from this season of life?

I was really struggling to thrive.

When they say the enemy prowls and looks for someone to devour and destroy, it is absolutely true. I desperately pray for answers, healing, and transformed lives. While evil comes to steal, deceive, corrupt love, tear apart unity, and create chaos, I know God intends to use even evil for His good. 

I am clinging to this truth and trusting God to rebuild our lives with faith and truth, one step at a time.  

#Thankful

I tried to make a short list of the things I am thankful for...

The sound of my husband's voice #love

A tender hug #MyLoveLanguage

The smiles and laughter of my loved ones #PureJoy

The smell of coffee #Hazelnut 

The beauty of a sunrise and sunset #CommonGrace

A boat ride #SummerDays

Feet in the sand #HeKnowsEveryGrainOfSand

Dancing in the rain #CareFree

Fireworks #bombsburstinginair

A great sense of humor #MedicineForTheSoul

Fresh powder of snow on a mountain top #skiing

The sweetness of a great neighbor #LivingLifeTogether

Blue skies puffy clouds #ThePerfectDay

A great adventure #EnjoyTheJourney

Taking risks #TakeAChance 

A melody played by the daughters fingertips #PullsMyHeartStrings

A song picked on a guitar by my sons hands #MusicToMySoul

Holding my husbands hand #AgainMyLoveLanguage #TheSimpleThings

A long drive with sun to warm me through the window #CatInMyFormerLife

Busting a move to an "oldie" #EmbarressingTheKids

A challenge #Perseverance 

When the underdog wins #overcomer 

Sense of satisfaction after hard work #Accomplishment 

A warm spring day with the windows down #SeasonsOfLife

A good book #wisdom

A hammock #tranquil

A porch swing #peaceful 

A chilly night and a warm blanket #Snuggles 

A cozy fire and smores #familytime 

The sound of my husbands snore #EveryNight

Silence #Quiet #InHisPresence 

Fellowship with friends #youknowwhoyouare

Knowing someone so well, you don't have to say a word #BFF

Mountain top moments #victory #powerful 

The peace that comes after you pass through the valley #RejoiceAlways

Bentons bacon #BLT #southerngirl 

Making cookies and licking the bowl with my kids #simplethings

A good acoustic version of Amazing Grace #Goodness 

Air conditioning #comfortsOfLife

An ice cold drink on a hot summer day  #refreshment

My bed #ComfortsOfHome

The color of the trees in fall #EastTN

A garden full of vegetables #BearFruit

The exhilaration after a good workout #SweatingToTheOldies

The joyful greeting EVERY DAY from my dog #unconditionalLove

The relaxing feeling of soaking in a bubble bath after a long day #calgonTakeMeAway

The perfect placement of every freckle on my sons face #FearfullyandWonderfullyMade

The kindness of perfect strangers #Unity

The twinkling of each star in the sky #Abrahamsdecedants

The smallness of the world that is so vast #ItsASmallWorldAfterall

The love that extends from east to west #theCross

A hero #Jesus

The beauty of the cross #Forgiveness

The gift of the gospel #John3

A happy ending #WhiteHorse #fairytale #Revelations

A letter to the future buyers of our home...

Today, we moved out of our house that we have lived in the past 12 years.  As I process through the flood of emotions, what keeps coming to mind is the buyers of our home.  So...I wrote a letter to our future buyers.

(photo cred: Bruce McAmish)

To the new homeowners, 

First, let me say, congratulations! You are getting a great home.  This place is NOT a house, it is a HOME.  Every room in this home yearns to tell a story.  So, let me do the honors of taking you on a journey through your new place.

Lets start with the kitchen, a place of great gatherings.  

(photo cred: Bruce McAmish)

No matter what the rest of the house looks like, everyone gathers here.  When we built the house, we had a ‘must have’ list.  One of the must haves was the freestanding icemaker.  Trust me, living on the water, enjoying the outdoors, you will love to be able to fill up a cooler full of ice and still have ice when you come in for dinner.  Did I mention the warming drawer? When you have company over and you come in off the lake and the food is hot but you aren’t ready to eat yet, stick everything in the warming drawer and let yourself linger in conversation a little longer.  I could go on and on about the features of this kitchen, but I would rather tell you about the best part.  This is a room for family dinners.  This is a place where countless nestle tollhouse cookies have and will be baked.  This is a place where cooking lessons, trial and error recipes, and social gatherings happen.  This room is filled with more than cabinets and granite countertops; it is a room begging for breaking of bread and great fellowship.

Let us journey onto the family room.  Did you see the view.  Wow! 

(photo cred: Bruce McAmish)

(photo cred: Bodiephoto)

Every sunset is uniquely different and you can take it all in from this vantage point.  Many evenings you will spend relaxing in this room.  As we recalled our favorite memories, my children recall many dance parties in this room.  It is a place to just unwind and take in the beauty right outside the windows. 

Follow me to the dining room.  I really love this grand window. The view takes my breath away.  As I sit at the table, I recall every Christmas dinner, every holiday, every special time we gathered in this room.  This room speaks life.  Just off of the dining room is what we affectionately call our music room.  It may be hard for you to see.  I invite you to sit in this room and close your eyes.  Envision music being played on a guitar by a father and son or a daughter teaching her mother to play piano.  Do you hear the music?

Go upstairs! 

There are three bedrooms.  These rooms have murals in them.  One room has the inscription Matthew 4:19 ‘Follow me and I will make you fishers of men’.  

(photo cred: Bruce McAmish)

The second room has a woodlands mural 

(photo cred: Bruce McAmish)

and the third one is all girly with pink, turquoise, and purple striped walls.  The walls in two of the rooms have marking of growth on the walls of my two children.  Two of the closets have prayer requests with dates of answered prayers.  I am sure by now you have noticed that the carpet is worn.  My children have run the hallways.  They have taken first steps, they have spilt their drinks, they have had multiple sleepovers in the rooms and hallways.  They have built tents and forts all across theses rooms.  As I sit here with tear-filled eyes recounting memories that I could write a novel about, I know that now it is time for YOU to write your own story.

These rooms are now YOUR rooms to build YOUR memories.  As I spent the last night in this house, I  prayed for YOU.  I pray that as you first enter this house, you look past the walls, the paint color, and the writings on the wall and you see more.  I pray that as you walk through this house, it feels more like a home.  If home is where the heart is, I pray that your heart feels home here.  I have felt the presence of God here in this home for the past 12.5 years and I pray that you also have that same feeling. 

Now, let me tell you- there is more to a house than the structure you live in! Walk outside.  Meet your neighbors.  These people are NOT just people that live in the house next door.  These people are your community.  These are people that you will call friends.  They will rally around you.  They will support and encourage you.  They make you run when you don’t feel like exercising.  They will make you smile when you would rather cry.

When I say congratulations on buying our house, it is not because I am glad to sell our home, it is because I am passing along a blessing. 

Lord, bless the hearts of those that receive this home.  

Bring them great moments of joy, love, and overflowing memories.

Where are you looking?

My son just learned to ride his bike without training wheels this week.  It was a long afternoon of confidence building with a few tears shed but he did it without any scratches, bumps, or bruises.  

The biggest hurdle we had to overcome was directing his focus.

Every time he got his bike going to a point I could let go, he would drift of into the curb.  I had to keep 'coaching' him to look ahead.  Time after time, he would drift to one side or the other.  I constantly reminded him to look up, look where you are going, quit looking down.  He started to look up but then he would jerk the handlebars side to side as he reverted back to looking down.

We continued this battle for several rounds of going up and down the neighborhood.  My back started to hurt and he was ready to give up.  So, we took a break.  I wouldn't let him quit without having a successful ride, but we did take a break, a much needed one to get our emotions back in check.

After a short intermission, we were back at it.  The very first time I let go of the bike, after he yelled, "Mom, let go!

He did it!  

He looked ahead.  He steered straight.  He even used the brake to stop.  I was so very proud of him.  He even stepped off the bike and exclaimed how much fun it was to keep it between the lines!

You know the saying, "its just like riding a bike"? 

There is so much truth to that statement.  I learned a lot about myself as I was coaching my son.

Where is MY focus?  

Is my head down?  Am I so busy, task oriented, checking off the to-do list, taking care of 'my little world' that I forget to look ahead, to notice the needs of those around me? 

Just like riding a bike, 

it is a great reminder to quit looking down. 

Let your eyes look straight ahead, 

fix your gaze directly before you. 

Make level paths for your feet 

and take only ways that are firm. 

Do not swerve to the right or the left; 

keep your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:25-27 

Running in the right direction

I have been on the ‘move’ more than usual lately.  Whether this is running while I play tennis, jogging in the neighborhood, ‘speed mowing’, or taking the dog on a long walks.  I am on a mission to 

be more active + eat healthy = GET FIT!  I know some people are naturally inclined to exercise; I would NOT class myself as one of these ‘people’.  I do it for a few reasons…mainly because I know it is good for me.  The other part of the equation is the competitive gene that won’t let me quit. 

There are some days that I wish I didn’t have this gene,

but it is part of God’s great design.

What got me on the fitness kick THIS time, was a recent purchase.  I bought a jawbone UP bracelet band, https://jawbone.com/up.  This band gives you feedback on how many steps you take a day (mileage), calories burned, sleep pattern, etc.  After the first week of wearing the band on vacation and consistently not meeting my daily goal of 10,000 steps per day (the AHA recommendation for a healthy heart lifestyle), my competitive gene kicked in.  I could not take ONE MORE day of not reaching my goal.  Since we got back from vacation, I have not been able to sit still.  I have yet to have a day that I did not meet my goal and even reached an all time high of 27,000 steps – OH YEAH!

Now, of course I want to beat that goal…

The point is…sometimes we need an incentive. 

We need something to drive us. 

We need something to get us ‘moving’. 

We need something to give feedback and hold us accountable.

This morning during my run and time with the Lord, a thought occurred to me.  

What if I had a band that would give me feedback on my time in The Word?  

A band that would give me an equivalency to my devotional time.  

With this feedback, would it drive me to spend more time with the Lord?

I like to think YES.

Well, it is unlikely that this band will be invented.  

But we all have this type of measuring bands already.  My life, my actions, my words- do they reflect God’s truth? This feedback is in direct proportion to how much time I spend daily in the word.  My friends are one of the greatest assets for accountability.  If I stumble, I know they wont just pick me up but they will give me the push to get going again.  And most importantly, the best band any of us could have is the Holy Spirit.  

He spoke to me today and clearly said, 

“Run Mitzi, keep running to Me, and this time….don't stop!” 

Closing the mouths of lions

Have you ever wondered what is was like in the den with Daniel?

It  must have been amazing to stand in great fear and trembling and see  the control of such a fierce animal. I have often wondered how much  greater my faith would be to witness one of these great miracles.

 

This morning God painted a small visual for me....
 

We have a puppy. It is my son's dog. Since he is six, we have tried to  promote some responsibility in him. So, he is in charge of letting the  dog out in the mornings. Our morning schedule is tight, without much  time to spare, so his help is greatly appreciated. This morning as he  came back in the house from letting the dog out, I hear yelling, 'Mom,  I need a towel!!'.  I come running to the door only to find a soaking  wet dog, and my previously clean dog was a filthy mess.

My internal lion was ready to ROAR in a very big way.

But, The Lord  stepped in and interceded for my son just as He had faithfully done  for Daniel. As much as as I wanted to let the lion loose, The Lord  held it back and shut the mouth of this fierce animal (once again).  While this is no BIG miracle, it IS the daily work of The Lord that is
living and ready to act on my behalf.  And I am thankful for daily  closing of the mouths of lions within me!

(I know my children are too)

Sovereignty

God's Sovereignty

what is it anyway?

The way I like to think of it is.... control even when we aren't!

When you are having one of those days that you just need a friend to help carry the burdens of life, and that phone call comes at just the time you need it. Or the phone doesn't ring because you need to go to the throne instead of the phone.
The job that you have prayed about and you get a call that you are hired.
OR that you get the call that you did NOT get the job because it was not the right one for you.
OR better yet there is another company in desperate need of you but you just haven't been led there yet.

Ever have one of those days where everything seems to fall into place.
You find yourself having 'ah-ha moments' of clarity. The dots seem to connect perfectly together.

Okay, so maybe these days might be a little few and far between.

But for me today, was one of those days. It was revealed to me why some doors in my life had been slammed shut. Often times in the moment, we just find ourselves asking,

WHY?!

The Lord never shuts a door where He doesn't  open another.

When you do have one of those days often referred to as

"hindsight is 20/20', it is like

 seeing through the window of God's great plan.

God is sovereign,

He is in complete control over everything that happens.  

Nothing happens without His direction. 

He finely orchestrates every detail of each and every life.

~In Him also we have obtained an inheritance,

being predestined according to the purpose of Him

who works all things according to the counsel of His will, (Ephesians 1:11 NKJV)

What a blessing it is to be on the other side of a circumstance to see how
God connects and leads us.

But when I can't always be on that 'other' side of seeing how things will turn out,

I pray that I will remember, God is good! He is sovereign. 
Even when I find myself in the pit just like Joseph,

may I always find peace knowing I am part of His plan and purpose.