A journey to healing

In April of 2021, my world as I knew it was knocked off its axis. A direct assault on my soul. I entered a battleground of grief and spiritual warfare that I have never before encountered. Every single day was emotionally exhausting. I was constantly spiritually depleted and emotionally bruised. 

I had hit a low point in my life that I have never been to before! 

My father who had been struggling with Alzheimer’s for years was transitioned into a memory care unit. It is difficult to watch someone you love that was once strong and independent become fragile and weak. Then add to the mix that your loved one doesn’t even remember your name. Alzheimer’s is a debilitating disease to the entire family. 

One week after this transition, my mother was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer. She went straight from caring for my father, being overwhelmed and exhausted with his care, to fighting for her own life. Only two rounds of chemotherapy and four months later, she passed away. It was fast and furious and not enough time to even process the grief. Cancer caused my mom so much pain and stole so much time away from us. 

One short week later, our family endured a horrific trauma. 

I felt…powerless, vulnerable in every possible way, overwhelmed with the gravity of the evil and injustices of this world, helpless, and an unsurmountable sense of loss.  As a parent, my role is a protector, so with this trauma…I felt like a failure. 

I found myself questioning myself in every capacity…

o How could I have let this happen? 

o I’m not a good parent. 

o I should have done more. 

These lies were constantly swirling in my mind despite me begging God to take my every thought captive. 

My soul was at war.

I found myself at a place that all I could do was pray. Angry prayers. Confusion. Bitterness. Prayers for healing and restoration. Prayers for protection. Desperate pleas.

But then there was silence... 

I didn’t hear from God. I begged and pleaded with him but still didn’t see His hand intervening. I found myself disconnecting and just wanting to be numb from the situation and wanting to fast-forward out of this season of life. I began asking the question we all go to when something happens we cannot readily explain away…..

Why?

What was I supposed to learn from this season of life?

I was really struggling to thrive.

When they say the enemy prowls and looks for someone to devour and destroy, it is absolutely true. I desperately pray for answers, healing, and transformed lives. While evil comes to steal, deceive, corrupt love, tear apart unity, and create chaos, I know God intends to use even evil for His good. 

I am clinging to this truth and trusting God to rebuild our lives with faith and truth, one step at a time.  

Hedge of Protection

This was not a planned post, it is not often that I am up at 1:45am.  However, the last few nights were different, lead by circumstance....
Two nights ago we had SEVERE thunderstorms AGAIN (this seems to be happening on a more regular basis) and a tornado touch down only one mile from our house.  We were awakened in the middle of the night by the sounds outside our window.  We had a hard time going back to sleep and debated taking the kids to sleep in the basement.  We prayed for the Lord's hedge of protection, for safety and the Lord's security over us.  It wasn't long before we were drifting back to sleep, comforted by His Word. He answers prayers in MIGHTY ways.

Tonight, we were awakened by a different storm.  

We received a call from the neighbors to inform us that they had caught an intruder on their property. We were startled to say the least. This was not the first time we had petty theft in our neighborhood. However, this was the first time someone was caught in the act. We  got up and checked everything outside.  There was no damage to ours or our neighbors' property.  The intruder had been caught in time.  I began to feel an overwhelming comfort of God's hedge of protection around us!  I pulled out God's sword of truth: 

Ephesians 6:11-20~

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

Thank you Lord for not only protecting us but for planting the seed in our hearts to pray for our enemies.